Thirty years ago, I used to be able to play this fairly well.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VmTnLcOYEGE
Not as well as Maestro Segovia. I mean, come on, he’s Segovia! And not as fast, either. Segovia is playing this monstrously fast. But I played it fairly well.
I’ve been re-learning it. I don’t think I’ll ever play it as I did when I was 19. There have been too many fallow years, my fingers are not as nimble, fast, or strong as they were then. I don’t think they will ever be in that shape again, no matter how many hours I practice.
And that’s okay. It still gives me pleasure to play it, even if it’s slower and if I make more mistakes and if I can’t quite handle some of the stretching required to perform it cleanly. As with the guitar, I know that I don’t have the artistic energy and zeal I had at 19. I know I don’t have the certainty and swagger.
I think often of an interview I saw with John Updike when he was probably in his late 60s. The interviewer asked him if he thought he was a better writer now than when he was in his 20s. Updike replied he didn’t know if he was a better writer, but he thought he was a wiser writer. I suspect Segovia would have said much the same thing.
So as those youthful attributes waned, other things emerged. Like mindfulness. I play this guitar piece smarter and more expressively now. I understand it better now. The idea for A Life’s Work would never have occurred to me at 19. Or 25. Or even 35. Stuff needed to happen to me before I could embark on this journey. So if my expertise has lost a step, my expression has gained ten.
Or so this filmmaker is trying to convince himself as he approaches a certain big birthday.
Several months ago I recorded some classical guitar tunes. Give them a listen, download them, enjoy them. It is my pleasure to share them with you.